Features of Interracial Sex
The story is written for the contest "How I Fell in Love with a Krogan"
I
Access Seal: TOP SECRET
Security Code: For AS-1 and above only!
Hyper-Seal of the State Department:
Turian Intelligence Bureau
Hyperdocument profile:
- Network: channel "War" –> Palaven/TRB-2
- Level: "Humans"
- Included in: C-102dShepard, C-215dGarrus, C-851dNormandy-2, C-12dModulatorCh.
Type: Transcript
- Also refers to the level "Interracial Psychology" -> C-745bSex.
Tags: Garrus, Shepard, ModulatorCh, interracial relationships, how things are on the Normandy, suddenly, interracial sex.
Transcript of recording No. 851, "Normandy-2."
Garrus: Hey... I bought some wine... the best I could get on a crime-fighter's salary...
Garrus: If you were a Turian, I would compliment your waist and crest... But as it is... uh... you have beautiful hair... and a strong... uh... waist... I really hope that words like these aren’t offensive to humans... Look... I really wanted to see that video... Help me out, Shepard.
Shepard: Relax, Garrus. You're anxious. And you're talking too much.
Garrus: I just... well... So much has gone wrong in my life, Shepard... Working in the SBC... The story with Sadanis... I just want to do something right... just... anything...
...
Shepard: Tss...
...
Garrus: Shepard... our salarian genius told me all sorts of things... about different amino acids... allergies and... well...
Shepard: Me too. I even bought gel. The best I could get on a galaxy savior's salary.
...
Garrus: You know, human women in armor are almost like Turians...
Shepard: Should I wear a bulletproof vest? (laughter)
...
Garrus: Wow!
...
Garrus: I feel like an idiot.
Shepard: Oh come on. We’ve gotten ourselves into such adventures together!... Don’t be a wuss, fighter.
Shepard: Tomorrow we'll go through the Omega-4 relay. (very quietly) maybe no one will return... So what video were you talking about?
Garrus: Well... you know, when I first saw a clip of that video you guys have classified as "pornography," I first thought it was an educational video...
Shepard: And now?
Garrus: Well now... I think...
Shepard: I can only imagine what would have happened if Suzy had recorded and sent my query to the world wide web - "sex with a Turian." So, something like that... something like that (laughter).
Garrus: (laughter)
...
Shepard: Wow! What do you have there?.. Our... uh... "educational materials"... depict THIS differently.
Garrus: Well...
Shepard: If our beauties find out what THIS looks like in reality... They’ll lynch me. For being a pervert and traitor to my race. Out of envy.
Shepard: And where did the second one go?... Ooo...
...
Garrus: I...
Shepard: Just be quiet.
...
Garrus: Fantastic!
...
Shepard: It can be so lonely at times... Garrus, thank you.
...
Shepard: You have cool armor here...
...
Shepard: It's about time. Barefoot across the galaxy...
Garrus: Warm flight.
Shepard: Is that what you say?..
Garrus: Yeah... well, after... well... It's like a thank you...
Shepard: Tss...
...
Shepard: Garrus, you forgot...
Garrus: I think humans say in such cases "lost your mind completely."
Shepard: And what do you say?
Garrus: We say "he swallowed a diamond"*... Shall we go?..
(end of recording)
II
Access Seal: for state departments
Security Code: AS-3 and above
Hyper-Seal of the State Department:
Turian Intelligence Bureau
Hyperdocument profile:
- Network: TRB-1
- Level: "Orders"
Type: Order
- Included in: P-65dGarrus
Tags: Garrus, news, merits, congratulations, all_get_drunk, the_higher-ups_are_generous
Order
On the granting of an extraordinary rank
In the Name of Honor!
In accordance with the Law of the Turian Hierarchy "On Military Ranks"
for merits to the race and successful completion of the mission
Agent TRB "Shooter" Garrus Vakarian
is hereby awarded
extraordinary military rank of dor-major of intelligence.
Head of TRB, General Septimus Khen
III
Access Seal: TOP SECRET
Security Code: For AS-1 and above only!
Hyper-Seal of the State Department:
Turian Intelligence Bureau
Hyperdocument profile:
- Network: Palaven, TRB-1
- Level: "Expert Opinions"
Type: Conclusion
- Included in: links temporarily unavailable
Summary of the first stage of Modulator-Ch testing
Materials provided for examination:
Modulator Char and documentation (link).
Reports from agents Shooter (link), Jumper (link) and Germa (link).
Expert opinions 1-4, 7 (link).
Psychoprofile of Captain Shepard (link).
Psychoprofile of Agent "Shooter" (link).
Recommendations "On Turian Behavior in Communication with Humans" (link).
Excerpts from the work of the Honorable Dr. Ph.D. Tss Tszh "On the question of the anthropomorphism of Turians in human pornography".
The testing of Modulator Char indicated that modulating the vocal parameters of a human male and slight enhancements in gestures and speech constructs allow Turians to psychologically merge with human society.
Limitations: the modulator only works on humans who are not xenophobic and have long interacted with various races.
Dr. Darius Narak's assumption that human women do not see any psychological difference between a Turian and a human in the presence of Modulator Char due to the common inferiority of the human race, is deemed unconfirmed and incorrect (link).
Dr. Tss Tszh's hypothesis that the speech combinatorics based on samples of human speech is favorably perceived by human beings and greatly influences relations between races more than appearance and physiological differences is considered official.
Recommendations:
- continue experiments with Modulator.
- recognize Captain Shepard as the most suitable subject for experiments due to her most flexible psyche and high mental adaptability.
- develop a version of Modulator-Ch (female version).
- improve recommendations "On Turian Behavior in Communication with Humans".
- amend the “Plan for Counteracting Xenophobia Among Human Representatives” in light of new data.
Signed:
(list of Turian and Salarian names and ranks)
IV
Security Code: personally for Garrus Vakarian, enter password for access
Incoming: 1
Subject: Archangel, did you swallow a diamond?
From: n/a – Omega-N1 – Normandy-2
Hyperdocument profile: none
- Attachment: a copy of the Order via the internal network of the Turian Intelligence Bureau, Department L-2
Attachment:
Order No. 604 of TRB-O-L2
Do not accept resignation requests from agent "Shooter" until his personal arrival at Palaven.
TRB, L-2, Major General Kraiuss Irkanar
Text: Garrus, as your friend, I warn you for the first and last time - do not provoke the Bureau to react. I can't believe that your connection with the human is more important to you than the honor of a Turian and the Spirit of the TRB! You successfully completed the mission, and you are heroes, damn it! But I won't be able to protect you if some beak-squeaker from the Inquisition sniffs around about your activities with Shepard and your resignation requests. You're a fool, Garrus. When the choice is between the honor of the people and the honor of a man, you should know what to choose!
PS. So, is she really that good?
PPS. And I couldn't find anywhere what your expression "you still need to hold a candle!" means?
Notes:
*To swallow a diamond - Turian idiomatic expression, analogous to the human "lost your mind." Related to the fact that Turians have a digestion similar to birds. For example, the Turian expression "polish the stomach" refers to birds swallowing stones to aid digestion.
*Slang and military ranks in the story adapted for human perception.
Text: Shakty
Illustrations used from deviantart.com:
Thanks for the help and proofreading: Magrat, Foxy\_Fellow, Khalet