"It's Hard to Be Gay" - review of The Ballad of Gay Tony

The history of this review is vast and multifaceted. Simply put, it might never have seen the light of day if it weren't for another additional round of the "bloggers, governors, and such" contest. The thing is, in The Ballad of Gay Tony, there are missions that are just impossible to complete on PC without losing a considerable number of brain cells. It was because of it (at that moment, there was only one; then they poured in like from a fountain) that I abandoned the game back in August and returned to it only in mid-December. I must say, it was not in vain.

If I start from the beginning, I’ll ask myself the question: why did I decide to write a review about the story of a wayward nightclub owner? After all, on the disk of the GTA Episodes From Liberty City from 1C, there lies, in the opinion of many, a no less interesting The Lost and Damned. The harsh days of brutish bikers truly deserve our closest attention, but it so happened that against the backdrop of "The Ballad of Gay Tony," biker stories seem rather dull and monotonous (I should note that this refers to the gameplay, but certainly not the script). There is a lack of the gloss and neon that are overflowing in clubbing Liberty City, a lack of grand characters like Yusuf Amir, and, finally, a lack of such a stunning introduction, which, by the way, can be called the best in the history of GTA. And where else will they allow us to throw sticky bombs at a moving train, take out a competitor's girlfriend, extract information from a hostage through a game of golf, constantly get into trouble due to our silly friends, deal with the problems of our dear mommy, and, finally, personally hijack a military helicopter right under the noses of local authorities?

We will hear this phrase very often


Yusuf's plans for the future are indeed grand

I remember running on this building back in Assasins Creed 2

Here, the father is indeed mistaken. Besides all this, Yusuf loves flying helicopters ><

Golden uzi, glamor, and just business.

One of the first missions in The Ballad of Gay Tony essentially indicates what the central part of this episode’s storyline will be dedicated to. Gay Tony (Anthony "Gay Tony" Prince) is a 45-year-old glamorous businessman who owns a club chain and is experiencing problems with money, business competitors, and balancing his own sanity. Daytime Liberty City is a city of respectable citizens, hard-working and conscientious people. Nighttime is a party city where criminal activity and various shakedowns begin. Luis Lopez is one of those people who chose the "nightlife" lifestyle, working, simply put, as a bouncer and a "handyman." Tony constantly complains about a lack of money and the imminent demise, occasionally slipping into depression (he even threatened suicide), while Luis can only shrug, calm down, and ask him to explain things more clearly (often having to clobber his boss). He, in fact, has to deal with all the pile of crap that has fallen on the adult gay child. For such a strong nerve and patience, for his constant calmness and sensibility, one inevitably begins to respect him.

Base jumping takes your breath away, indeed


It feels like winter has arrived in Liberty City, doesn't it?

Luis is a master of dirty deeds

Coca-Cola in the right hand, sweet candies in the left. At least that's the first thing that comes to mind when looking at the statue

Luis often solves exactly such problems over the phone. The essence of the profession

But at the same time, besides the fact that instead of a sound sleep, we're forced to run around and lecture someone, the culprits of most of the incidents that will befall the protagonist will be his old friends and new partners. Guys, even known to Luis' mother since school, choose to continue risky business instead of going to college and studying. As a result, the first meeting of the young "entrepreneurs" with the "courier" ends in a major clash with the police and special forces, and Luis can't help but exclaim next time, "You guys are such idiots." Meanwhile, the son of an Arab sheikh and the owner of that very golden uzi, Yusuf Amir, will periodically throw crazy tasks at the poor guy, claiming, "This city is mine, I'm going to own everyone, and my father underestimates me." One of these tasks, by the way, involves hijacking an experimental helicopter with heavy machine guns on board. This is how Yusuf plans to teach his dad a lesson, "to show off" in front of him, and to prove to himself that "I own this entire city!" "Really?" Luis replies, utterly unfazed. "I will completely screw them all up!".

Most of the time, Tony will whine and babble nonsense. In such cases, Luis acts as his personal psychologist - will slap him and make him pull himself together


The events of all parts of GTA IV intersect in terms of the plot. Everything is tied to the diamond stones

Yusuf has everything gilded: his mobile phone, his uzi, and now even the helicopter

The worst words throughout The Ballad of Gay Tony

The solution to all problems is a call to some arms dealer on a mobile phone. In a matter of seconds, a bazooka is in your pocket, and problems are blown to pieces

Who we are dealing with.

Episodes From Liberty City can safely be called the most creative GTA in terms of characters. Indeed, every person who works with Luis is unlike the others, possessing a uniquely well-written character. Thus, the already mentioned Yusuf Amir, the son of a billionaire from Saudi Arabia, begins to dazzle in front of Tony's right-hand man with his genuine dialogues from the first minutes of their meeting. Just the scene where the father catches his son in nothing but his underwear with a hooker, cocaine on the table, and a golden uzi is worth it. One can judge Yusuf's intelligence by phrases like: "As soon as I have more money, I will become an adult." Or from dialogues, for example:

- Problems with your old man? - Luis asks.

To which the sheikh's son replies:

- No, with my father.

It is Yusuf who entrusts us with the craziest missions: hijacking the experimental helicopter "Vulture" (in this mission you will train your nerves and finger bones excellently), snatching a BTR from right under the noses of the military, and stealing a whole wagon from a train's convoy.

Traffic jams in the evening are a usual affair. At such moments, one longs for the bigfoots from San Andreas


Good thing helicopter missions are not limited to just "land". In fact, there will be an even worse mission - "track".

Conversations about business, or how to make a fortune in just a few days

Like any teenager, Yusuf loves to cause mischief when his dad is out...

Therefore, his sudden appearance always turns into a "one-man show"

As a result: the hooker is Luis's wife, while Yusuf has been thinking of family well-being and business development all this time

Mori Kibbutz is a typical representative of the "dumb musclehead." In every meeting, he tries to remind Luis that his boss owes some cash and needs to somehow pay it off. This is why we have to carry out Kibbutz's assignments, one of which happens to include a competition called "parachute-boat-motorcycle: get to the finish line first." Rockstar Games also delivers a ton of humor per square meter here: the episode when Kibbutz crushes his partner in chess involuntarily stretches a smile across one’s face.

Henrique Bardas and Armando Torres are Luis's old school friends who, instead of confidently looking to the future while reading physics and Leo Tolstoy, decide to engage in dangerous business, trading drugs. They supply us with large batches of all sorts of weapons with a small discount and also throw us assignments related to the transport of banned substances. It’s a risky business but profitable, which is why our protagonist helps his wild pals.

Something about this reminds me...


Land a helicopter in the middle of the local Times Square? For Yusuf - easy!

Usually, this is how the routine work of Tony's right-hand man starts

Of course, the developers left a few minutes for gamers to ride a military BTR to their heart’s content

The Russian constantly hints to Luis that he should stop dealing with his boss

But what’s a good game without a bad Russian? In The Ballad of Gay Tony, though, Ray Bulgarin does not plan to destroy the USA through contamination or with a nuclear warhead. The reason for working in America is simple and mundane: big money. However, besides smuggling arms and cocaine with his friends, the novice Russian entrepreneur has a simple dream: to buy a hockey club with all the trimmings. He also has a genuine interest in Prince Tony's club business, which is why Ray clings to his personal bodyguard (and later finds out about the location of the diamond stones that were peacefully sitting in his jacket pocket a month earlier). Luis understands he’s getting involved in a game but agrees to the job: right now, his boss needs money more than ever. And the Russian has plenty of that.

But you won't always be working for money. Sometimes, poor Luis will be forced to deal with various business issues for free, again, related to crime. Occasionally, the guy will get a break from chases and shootouts, allowing him to engage in more enjoyable activities. How about taking care of a rival in the club business? Dancing with Monique and earning "charm points," we will ultimately achieve some privacy. But as always, things won’t go as planned, and the owner of the night establishment, Vic, will barge into the office, catching the couple in an awkward position. Naturally, gunfire and swearing will ensue, a crowd of unhappy onlookers will rush to the street with screams, and Tony will wonder with a surprised voice: "How did you manage to get all this set up?" GTA teaches you - think a hundred times before dancing with a strange girl, and only five minutes later run with her into a booth.

A splendid scene demonstrating the possibility of checkmating in one move with an ordinary pawn


My first triathlon ride ended exactly like this

Good thing these two can swim. And usually, a bot’s flight into the water means mission restart

Dialogues with Mori Kibbutz usually come down to a stupid mutual word battle

Profession - bouncer.

In Grand Theft Auto, being a bouncer means being able to do absolutely everything. Fed up with chases and shootouts, Luis can pass the nighttime by managing a nightclub. No, the word might sound esoteric, but in the developers’ understanding, it is indeed that very bouncer. A leisurely stroll through the establishment, tracking down drunkards and boisterous types, and subsequently throwing lawbreakers out the door. Want some excitement? Then dynamic competitions called triathlon will be at your disposal, which Mori Kibbutz will open up for us. The participants' task seems simple at first glance: jump from a great height with a parachute, land on watercraft, reach the shore, switch to a car, and reach the finish line first. However, opponents, of course, won’t make it easy, so I recommend resorting to “dirty” actions, that is, attacking opponents by all available means.

Luis, like his predecessors, is a parkour master and loves to jump from great heights

It’s worth mentioning base jumping - parachute jumps while passing checkpoints. The Fighting Club is a great place for those who enjoy throwing punches, and who better than Luis (the champion of the ring in his time) can pass peaceful evenings, repeatedly receiving heavy blows. And if there’s a depression on the soul, it’s time to visit the nearest tavern and enjoy strong alcoholic drinks with friends. However, beware - if you overdo it, you risk passing out and finding yourself in a completely unfamiliar place. As the saying goes, "Had two drinks and doesn’t remember where." Also, of course, your choice of good old entertainment like private dances and watching entertainment TV shows: talk shows, silly ads, and amusing cartoons included. A calm cruise through the city in a luxurious car with the radio on has not gone anywhere - this is how many gamers began Grand Theft Auto 3. In Episodes From Liberty City, three new radio stations have been added, like Vice City FM, and the music selection has also been updated. Unfortunately, the native Vladivostok FM no longer broadcasts Russian songs, but this "wave" still remains the best in my humble opinion, as it plays the best music, including tracks from the popular DJ David Guetta. If you want to listen to a selection of your songs, tune in to Independence FM, where your favorite music will chime in with chit-chat and news.

Do your work - run boldly!

Rockstar Games teaches.

DLC costing $10-20hasbecomeacommonphenomenoninthegamingindustry\mathrm{.}Ifyouhaveagoodinternetconnection,you\text{’}veprobablypurchased(atworst,offtorrenttrackers)allsortsofadd-onsforvideogames,whethertheyaremappacksforshooterslike\ast \ast ModernWarfare2\ast \ast and\ast \ast BadCompany2\ast \ast orcompletelynewscenariosforvariousRPGprojectslike\ast \ast DragonAge\ast \ast \mathrm{.}Thematterisclear,thattheessenceofdownloadablecontentistominimizelossesfrompiracy;theessenceliesinsomethingelse\mathrm{.}EachteamapproachestheimplementationofplannedDLCdifferently;take,forinstance,theCzechwiththeir\ast \ast Mafia2\ast \ast \mathrm{.}Justthinkhowhighthepotentialwasfortheadditionstotheprojectfrom\ast \ast 2KCzech\ast \ast ,andhow\mathrm{"}quality\mathrm{"}thatsamepotentialwasrealized\mathrm{.}Thedebut\ast \ast Jimmy\text{’}sVendetta\ast \ast withatoughmachoonthecoverinspiredaweandrespect,butwhenyougotclosertotheadditions,asharpdesiretoreturnthefrivolouslyspent10-20\; has\; become\; a\; common\; phenomenon\; in\; the\; gaming\; industry.\; If\; you\; have\; a\; good\; internet\; connection,\; you’ve\; probably\; purchased\; (at\; worst,\; off\; torrent\; trackers)\; all\; sorts\; of\; add-ons\; for\; video\; games,\; whether\; they\; are\; map\; packs\; for\; shooters\; like\; **Modern\; Warfare\; 2**\; and\; **Bad\; Company\; 2**\; or\; completely\; new\; scenarios\; for\; various\; RPG\; projects\; like\; **Dragon\; Age**.\; The\; matter\; is\; clear,\; that\; the\; essence\; of\; downloadable\; content\; is\; to\; minimize\; losses\; from\; piracy;\; the\; essence\; lies\; in\; something\; else.\; Each\; team\; approaches\; the\; implementation\; of\; planned\; DLC\; differently;\; take,\; for\; instance,\; the\; Czech\; with\; their\; **Mafia\; 2**.\; Just\; think\; how\; high\; the\; potential\; was\; for\; the\; additions\; to\; the\; project\; from\; **2K\; Czech**,\; and\; how\; "quality"\; that\; same\; potential\; was\; realized.\; The\; debut\; **Jimmy’s\; Vendetta**\; with\; a\; tough\; macho\; on\; the\; cover\; inspired\; awe\; and\; respect,\; but\; when\; you\; got\; closer\; to\; the\; additions,\; a\; sharp\; desire\; to\; return\; the\; frivolously\; spent$9.99 USD surfaced. Joe's Adventures promised to rectify the mistakes of its predecessors, but everything turned out the way it did: Mafia 2 thrives in the list of disappointments in 2010, while more and more rotten vegetables are thrown into the garden of 2K Czech. "Developers failed the hopes placed on them, frauds!" - fans of the original "Mafia" cry out.

In this screenshot, Tony looks sharp and solid. But in reality - pure and simple a druggie and a queer

Another matter is the guys from Rockstar Games who allowed their masterpiece Episodes From Liberty City to be released in Russia for about 600 rubles and as a separate disc. The total time taken to complete The Ballad of Gay Tony and The Lost and Damned surpasses the original GTA IV, and in some aspects, even exceeds it in variety and quality of narrative. Add to this all the innovations I previously described, and we have the most perfect DLC imaginable. Even colleagues from BioWare couldn’t surpass the quality of their additions compared to Dragon Age. And since I've brought up the topic of good DLC developers, for fairness' sake, I’ll mention Bethesda Softworks with Fallout 3, Valve with free (!) updates for Left 4 Dead 2 and Team Fortress 2, Gearbox with Borderlands (see game blog for reviews of additions), and the same BioWare with the almost best game of the year - Mass Effect 2.

Having a dozen sticky bombs in stock, you can easily minimize all assignment problems

Finger-licking good.

Although this saying is somewhat of a metaphor regarding The Ballad of Gay Tony (and, frankly, regarding all of Episodes From Liberty City), the essence remains. Rockstar Games keeps its brand at the highest level, producing big-ticket projects as ordinary DLC/add-ons. It is recommended for everyone to play, if only to enjoy the outstanding dialogues and perfectly crafted character portraits. The only disappointment is that these are the last additions that the developers prepared for Grand Theft Auto IV; beyond this, only the new fifth installment lies ahead. In general, we "put ourselves in the shoes" of Luis Lopez and boldly go ahead to manage the nightclub business. The main thing is to understand that in life, it’s not so easy to hijack a BTR being transported over the city without protection, and to drop out of school, then cruise around Liberty City in an expensive "burzhuyn" SUV. And how wonderful it is that there are games like GTA, allowing one to carry out mini-genocides without remorse or fear of the police (pardon, law enforcement) by making a call to some unknown mobile number. And let me conclude this article in a very banal manner, but this is how it is: Rockstar, my humble thanks to you.