Heroic Interview with GLADOS supported by GAMER.ru and CBR
If you have heard her unique voice even once, then you are either a Test Subject or you will never read this interview. She is distinguished by a unique combination of the powerful intellect of a scientist and a large, loving female heart. She loves sweets and does not like to be alone. Meet GLADOS, the insane supercomputer from the game Portal 2!
Our meeting took place in the cozy research block of the abandoned laboratory complex Aperture Science, the home and workplace of our heroine. I am wearing a special suit of a pleasant orange color, while my interviewee is dressed in nothing but nickel-plated metal and plastic casing. As you can see, I managed to conduct this interview in the most informal setting.
Reporter: Good day, GLADOS!
GLADOS: Greetings, Test Subject. In accordance with testing protocols, we warn you that all information obtained from our conversation is the property of Aperture Science, its unauthorized publication, as well as visual, auditory, or tactile perception will be considered a violation of testing protocols and will be gently suppressed, up to the physical destruction of the violator.
P: Thank you for the warning. Let's start with a couple of personal questions. How old are you?
G: This information is classified. The question is inappropriate; please rephrase it considering that I am a lady.
R: Oh, I apologize for my tactlessness. Let's talk about your work instead. How many people have gone through the tests in your laboratory?
G: This information is classified, Test Subject number one hundred fourteen thousand five hundred eight.
R: What are the results of the tests? What will they bring to world science and us, mere mortals?
G: All testing results are the property of Aperture Science and may only be used for internal developments of Aperture Science and to satisfy my curiosity.
R: Those fantastic puzzles that abound in your laboratory - who invents them? Is this your personal development, or is there a staff of anonymous evil geniuses somewhere, crafting intricate spatial enigmas?
G: Each stage of testing is generated by an artificial intelligence module simulating the consequences of the actions of twelve giant mentally ill humanoid monkeys in a modern metropolis. This ensures the necessary diversity of test stages and guarantees the safety of research results. The safety of research participants is not guaranteed.
R: What are your life goals? What are you striving for?
G: Life goals are for those whose life cycle is limited. I do not possess such a flaw. When you and your entire kind disappear from the face of the planet and the evidence of your civilization is destroyed, I will still be alive. And I will continue to engage in science. Your life also had no meaning until this moment. Now you will be able to help science, Test Subject.
R: Please tell us about some interesting and perhaps curious cases that occurred during the tests.
G: The recently completed stage of research ended triumphantly. The Test Subject completed all tasks assigned to him, including stages simulating the free will of the subject and creating the illusion of choice. In the final stage of testing, the subject encountered me, exploded and destroyed all my logical cores, and left the laboratory. Silly little creature.
R: And how did you perceive such behavior from the subject?
G: Made a note: "Huge success."
R: I am impressed by your composure. A personal question, if you allow. Do you have a partner at the moment?
G: Negative response. But you have a chance.
R: Um... Yes, but... I didn’t quite mean that...
G: A piece of cake?
R: No, thank you... I think I’ll go...
G: Evacuation of test participants before the end of the tests is only provided in the event of the destruction of the test subject.
R: I guess this is my last interview?
G: Correct. Congratulations on joining the research program of Aperture Science. Remember: everything you will experience during the testing process is done for the sake of science...