We regret the money spent! Please give it back! Top 10 worst movies of 2011
From the best worst movie to the worst worst movie =) Let’s go.
- “Green Lantern” ([Green Lantern](/games?search=Green Lantern))
Another tale of a comic book hero who must save the world/planet/universe/cat/mouse and everything else that needs saving. Green Lantern isn’t a well-known superhero, and many only learned of his existence after the release of the film of the same name. However, as it turns out, it’s not worth the trouble. The only good thing in the film is Ryan Reynolds and his decent acting. Other than that, there really isn’t a film. 90% of the footage is computer graphics. The plot is bland and formulaic, like the routine of a conscript soldier. Secondary characters and various villains are forgettable, and the special effects, with a budget of 200 million dollars, could have been done better. It can’t be said that “Green Lantern” failed spectacularly, but the film turned out to be rather mediocre. With such a huge budget, something more worthwhile could have been conceived.
- “Your Highness”
Even the title suggests it’s time to start laughing. The movie is clearly meant to be a satire on all those knightly quests, adventures, and the rescue of beautiful damsels from the claws of nasty villains. But, as often happens, the satire slid into the realm of toilet humor. One reviewer aptly suggested that during the scriptwriting process, the director must have been grasping for his private parts and squeezing out the future plot drop by drop. You’d be hard-pressed to find such a quantity of references to genitals anywhere else. It reminds me of an old show on a TV channel where performers of folk songs from across the country would compete. The losing team would always resort to suggestive songs to steal points from the potential winners. And the film “Your Highness” ended up resorting to toilet humor to win back the audience's money. It’s best to enjoy the absurdity in the company of friends, and family viewing should best be avoided entirely. Never.
PS. Portman is still adorable :3
- “Battle of Los Angeles”
This film is reminiscent of “Skyline” from 2010, equally pretty and just as stupid. The multimillion-dollar budget spent on “Battle of Los Angeles” was entirely allocated to decent special effects, but obvious economizing was evident in the writing. The aliens have technology that could easily conquer all the cities on the planet, but no, don’t hold your breath. They fight according to all the rules of military strategy—landing on the shore, expanding a foothold, capturing block by block, using cover, as well as air and artillery support. After all this chaos, a logical question arises—what on earth do they want with this miserable Los Angeles, which hasn’t even been captured by the Russians yet? The film is terribly bland and fails to take your breath away, despite fierce shootouts, explosions, and epic scenes that the film is so full of. Remember the moment when the aliens brought something resembling a bipedal machine gun onto the highway? That was something else; I haven’t laughed that hard in ages. Although, they clearly stole that scene from the final episode of “Saving Private Ryan.”
- “Red Riding Hood”
The film was conceived as a scary mystical thriller, but instead turned out to be almost a comedy. And what can be scarier for a director than an audience that should be scared or philosophically pondering simply laughing until they’re doubled over? “I don’t believe it,” Stanislavsky would say, and the audience doesn’t believe it either. The very fact that people are walking around in calico dresses in the midst of snowy landscapes, and the snow looks like shredded Styrofoam, fundamentally kills the desire to regard “Red Riding Hood” as a serious cinematic project. The film turned out to be silly and foolish, with unintelligible acting and a heap of continuity errors. And Red Riding Hood is ultimately violated in the most natural way imaginable. It’s just a disgrace to treat a fairy tale character like that. Although in “Red Riding Hood,” the only fairy-tale element left is that red hood. More accurately, it’s a cape. Well, there’s a goof there too.
- “Sucker Punch”
A rather interesting cinematic concept from the famous Zack Snyder suffered a devastating failure, caught in the avalanche of the trash created by him and his team. “Sucker Punch” barely recouped its multimillion-dollar budget and became a real “pain in the ass” for movie critics of all kinds and for ordinary viewers. Why did this happen? It feels as if the scriptwriting process involved inviting a patient who had just undergone a lobotomy. They handed him a pen and a stack of paper and told him to write. Naturally, the unfortunate person wrote about what tormented him. According to the film’s plot, a girl who is about to undergo a terrifying surgery “freezes” at one point and voila, she transfers into her fantasy world. Only the fantasies are quite strange—zombies, dragons, Nazis, samurais, robots. WTF? The only thing that can genuinely please in this film is the stunning musical compositions, while everything else remains the nonsensical and illogical babble of a madman.
- “Conan the Barbarian
A tasteless hack-and-slash film with a plot as straightforward as the Ostankino Tower, ruining the Conan universe and Schwarzenegger in particular. Momoa, how dare you? The whole film is saturated with pathos and clichés; “Conan the Barbarian” is utterly devoid of any hint of originality, and you begin to tire of the amount of mindless dismemberment in the first half of the film. Watching the updated “Conan the Barbarian,” you must turn off your brain, stock up on popcorn for munching, and rotten tomatoes for throwing. Or best of all, be a girl to enjoy gazing at muscular heaps of muscle. Overall, the new Conan is much less brutal than the old Arnie, and the remake can be perceived as a slasher, whereas the almost thirty-year-old film can be positioned as a good, well-thought-out adventure quest.
- “Immortals”
An entirely pointless film that evokes total boredom from start to finish. “But it’s from the creators (producers) of 300,” you might exclaim, and you would be absolutely right. That’s precisely why people rushed to theaters, expecting to see a Hollywood version of the famous myth about Theseus, with nonstop battles, bloodshed, and gore at every turn. Whatever controversial things may have been said about the film “300,” it became the basis for numerous cinematic parodies and internet memes, and quotes were snatched up like hot pies with jam. “Immortals” cannot boast of this due to the indescribable nonsense happening on screen. It turns out that in the army of the ancient Greeks, there were also Afro-Greeks, and people lived on the edges of terrifying cliffs as if they were troglodytes, carving out caves and homes. The Olympic Gods parade around in golden outfits with rooster-headed helmets, they themselves are mortal (as it turns out), and the titans are gray, drab, and beastly creatures the size of a human. When they are released from a golden cage where there are a maximum of twenty of them, they suddenly start reproducing and are killed in the frame by the hundreds. And the final scene where the gods and titans fight in the sky caused me to have an attack of hysterical laughter with tears. Tears from the thought of the wasted money. And I kept waiting, perhaps this film would also release a kraken.
- “Spy Kids: All the Time in the World in 4D”
All little kids loved the first two parts of “Spy Kids,” and the third must have seemed like a true masterpiece—lots of computers, lots of graphics, so many combat boys and girls, truly a role model. But I’m far from sure that anyone liked the film “Spy Kids 4D.” A horrendous dip for the fabulous Robert Rodriguez to cash in on mothers and their children who whined to go to the theaters. There’s no coherent plot, no decent script; the actors either overact or underact. The logic of the narrative completely disappears about 30 minutes before the end of the film; everything happening starts to seem total nonsense. Jessica Alba fights crowds of enemies while in pregnant mode, a dog defecates iron balls, there are jokes about baby diarrhea and diapers, bags of vomit knock enemies off of parachutes—what else? No, of course, I understand that “Spy Kids 4D” is not “Machete,” which was originally positioned as a delightfully smashingly trashy film, but still. All facts point to it belonging to this genre. Poor kids. By the way, did anyone lose those scented cards?
- “Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star”
Adam Sandler shouldn’t write screenplays; he’s a good comedic actor but not a writer. “Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star” is an example of how not to make movies based on Sandler’s scripts. Bucky Larson, the main character of this comedy, is an awful type who decides to become famous in the porn industry, and for that, he heads to Hollywood (where else?). There he encounters fun adventures and a bunch of new friends. Sure, there are moments where you can genuinely smile or chuckle, but the repulsive main character with his disgusting grimaces ruins everything. Is it true that the dumber the protagonist, the funnier it is? With a budget of 10 million dead presidents, “Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star” earned only 2.5 million in the USA. The Americans themselves, the primary “consumers” of such films, didn’t see anything remotely funny in the movie. Not to mention us. Will it go down well with beer? Don’t know. Only if there’s a lot of beer and only after vodka.
- “Shark Night 3D”
An awful, terrible, and extremely banal movie about how sharks decided to feast on the juicy bodies of teenagers. Although, what teenagers—girls are shaking their ripe bodies and walking in such revealing outfits that one wants to munch popcorn at an accelerated speed, sprawling their rolls of fat across both sides of the uncomfortable cinema seat. Sharks, for some unknown reason, find themselves in a lake, savagely and fiercely devouring representatives of the great American people. Everyone runs around in swimsuits, squealing, getting in each other’s way, and making absolutely stupid decisions. The eaters of eaters of fast food are drawn quite poorly, and watching the movie in 3D only brings disappointment. Horrible and “empty” acting from the actors, poorly developed script, and a small amount of dismemberment with guts and bitten-off heads—one could go on listing the film's “merits” for a long time. Le FU-.