The Gamer's Truth №5.5
Hello, dear readers!
The much-troubled year 2009 has come to an end, and we enter the new year with bright hopes for the world dominance of penguins/Hauses/pegasuses/Aion (depending on your worldview), for many cookies with treats from the admins and tons of good, worthwhile posts.
This issue comes under the motto "Oh, shi~". Now, more than ever, it is important to stay informed. The site has entered a period of heavy crisis, unfinished clans and the trimming of plus meters have had a characteristic effect: external activity has decreased and is rapidly approaching absolute zero. Cloudy, precipitation in the form of trash posts is possible.
At the same time, internal activity has increased incredibly - many contracts are being made, ProGamer has literally sold itself to bourgeois elements, hundreds of clans are being formed, and most importantly: we are now sitting on a volcano. After many months of virtually no updates to the site, along with numerous bugs, the spring of user patience has compressed to maximum and may soon release its energy with the first gust. Admins are putting on helmets and slapping burning tar on the walls, while users are preparing bayonets and nuclear warheads.
As you know, our special issues are quite large. This one is no exception, so the sooner we start, the faster we can move to the comments, where all the personalities and organizations mentioned in our issue will try to prove how white and fluffy they are, in their opinion. But we know...
The Legend of the Swiss
On a dark, dark night in a dark, dark city in a dark, dark server room sat two admins from Gamer.ru. Exactly at midnight, a dark, dark bell rang, and a dark, dark Swiss with dark, broken Swiss watches called.
The admins opened the dark, dark door, took a dark, pitch-black gun and killed the Swiss. Then they took it upon themselves to correct the server time to that which was on his watches.
Since then, no one has been able to convince these admins to finally fix the server time. It's been months that we've been stuck here with the incorrect one.
Layoffs?
A rumor has circulated that someone from the main team was fired. All arrows confidently point to a certain Marina. I wouldn't be too surprised if this turns out to be true. Layoffs are a common occurrence in a crisis.
Unfortunately, we are unable to confirm or deny this.
Magic.ru Catches Freebies. Sofcase Protests
Everyone loves freebies. This is an undisputed fact. Well, our site provided such an opportunity. Freebies (the redesign of their game's blog effectively at cost) were utilized by the company Q1 in the Magic.ru blog.
But let's break down the issue.
We profit: testing the implementation, placing it as an example in the GAMER.ru price list.
Well, of course. By the way, there’s nothing to complain about: the price list is directly mentioned here.
Wow, what do we see in this picture? Well, alright, branding the blog is going for a pretty democratic price, many have long dreamed of this and so on. But branding the main page? What, now there’s advertising there too?
Sofcase rushes to the rescue and breaks everything! Thanks to his latest script, the Magic.ru blog looks like this:
As you can see, if desired, it wouldn't be a big problem to restore the normal design.
But there’s just one amusing detail.
Profit for you: attracting huge attention to your game and interest, if only because such features have not been seen on GAMER.ru before.
We don't know about you, but personally, we have not started to feel great interest in the game SUDDENLY. And even at the moment, there won’t be a special effect on the main page, since our portal is relatively small; thus, this feature lies in a very distant future...
Although Pegazs would obviously be happy with a partner cube in his blog =)
The Piggies have become Penguins o_O
First, R0ndO made himself a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle avatar. We kept silent.
But then he joined the clan of penguins, and here the gentle worldview of our editorial team was shattered to pieces.
Fortunately, he has already returned to the true path.
So When Are Clans Coming?
As we said, clans in 2009 did not appear. When they were finally formally introduced, can you believe it? – a third of the planet was in 2010. You can consider that the release was done in Siberia.
But even now clans are still nowhere to be seen. Or are these little squiggles above the names the Great and Terrible Clans that everyone has been waiting for so many months? If so, I feel very sorry for the public taste that couldn't see the most ordinary distortions of facts.
Although, better I quote someone from the administration: "We will go on principle, but we will release clans this year!" Well, they went on principle. Well, they released. Has it become easier?
Oh yes, they checked a box and moved on. Well, so what if during beta testing they just ignored the gift from our main penguin that had no meaning? After all, what difference does it really make how many bugs we have - zero or a million? Honestly, it's such a trifle! It’s much more pleasant to continue cutting features than to create new ones.
No, really. Trimming the plus meters? "For clans". The inability to give pluses to clan members? "For clans". Yes, for those clans that we have now. Of course, they have significant potential. But, excuse me. What, in principle, could have been done in six months? Clans currently do not affect balance in any way. They don’t affect anything at all, except for the possibility of giving pluses to clan members. Thus, discussing whether or not to introduce them is pointless. I don’t believe that the Martians who wrote the site’s code could have made such Indian-level code that such a simple function took six months to program.
In general, this is just the site’s philosophy: "Wait, we don't know what or when, but it will be cool". Someone might say, "You should just be making quality posts, not thinking about clans". Maybe. But we are out of strength to see all these limitations for a future "bright future" that hasn’t even shown itself...
By God, it’s like we’re building communism.
Again These Two...
EVERYONE WHO GIVES A PLUS TO VIKOLYADA WHEN HE HASN'T POSTED IN MORE THAN A MONTH - *censorship by the editorial board*
So, here’s a cry from the soul. Of course, I could also practice constructing multi-storey obscene constructions aimed at those who upvote vikolyada or Magistrum just to push one or the other side to the top of the leaderboard.
But everyone already knows perfectly well that all these people \edited out by the chief editor*, \edited out*, well, and finally, just \edited out*.
Top Clans are Such Top Clans...
Well, let’s continue to unveil the veil of secrets and mysteries.
Although we couldn’t understand the need for such clans, there have been those who decided to work "for the future". The most active communities at the moment are GamezDev and Gamer Club. However, neither of them inspires any trust. Well, only the first ones maybe.
I don’t even want to comment on the Gamer Club. Over 350 posts, of which only two are silver. They should have named themselves Ctrl-C-V Club, I think.
But GamezDev is very ambiguous. On one hand, the possibility to connect to "little-known facts of game development" (yes, am I the only one who hasn't seen a single post from them on this subject yet?) and a lot of "framework" posts, on the other hand - just piles of movie posts and copy-paste again. Can’t help but recall the advertising that is as aggressive as the advertising for the notoriously famous SPAM cans. No, really - three posts with ads and several more posts with the clan name in the title - is that normal?
And of course, it’s worth mentioning the incredible Sense of Self-Importance of the clan leader, who is about to break the site header, and then we will all wait for such a "break in the pattern" that you will be amazed.
The most surprising thing is that Teodorix actually believes that his clan will somehow manage to swallow the entire top. It sounds so wild and self-assured that it’s pointless to comment.
We think the only reason GamezDev hasn’t fallen apart yet is the lack of meaningful clans. It’s better than a mere phantom hope of "connecting with game development" than a fig with butter, which is what today's clans are offering us.
But sooner or later proper clans will appear, right?..
Calendars!
So, there were comics, there are movie posts... Oh, and we still have another silly tradition! Calendars. Interestingly, completely useless and appearing in the middle of the month they’re made for.
We hope this is only a temporary obsession.
Veni, Vidi, Vici
AQuaRity is cheating. We are 100% sure of this. We don't know how, but he turned on the "God Mode" in our reality and now all he does is win contests.
Just recently he opened the site of the First Gaming for the first time in his life and immediately received a prize. How is this possible?
And, probably, he also has a cheat for eloquence. Just recently petroK won a Risen notebook. Which exists in only fifteen copies. Well, and AQuaRity exchanged it for a key to MW2.
Damn, I want that too... Let someone teach me!
ProGamer Bought
Yes, indeed, one press less. SKRIN95 was shot by agents of the GamezDev clan in the nearest alley, and all rights to ProGamer belong to them now. However, they have not yet figured out what to do with it at all. Therefore, we won’t see ProGamer anytime soon, if we even see it at all. And it will be a completely different magazine from what it was before… R.I.P.
And I will go look for political asylum in Canada. Otherwise, one day they might come knocking on my door too.
Captain Culinary
We have indeed broken tags. In general, we break a lot of things, then patch them up somehow, and we break them again. This is probably a purely Russian trait.
For example. Once upon a time Ksandr_Warfire had nothing to do. And he went ahead and tagged all his posts with the tag "ksandr". And what? Right, this tag showed up in "popular". Quite nicely, I must say.
They removed the tag. But suddenly, completely unexpectedly, Denai Corporation arrived quickly and began to produce glazed curds!](http://www.gamer.ru/games/1656-gamer-ru/posts/31458) With a similar result.
Moral: you can break anything, as long as there’s a desire.
And while we're at it...
Alright, forget about the tags. But breaking the search is a whole science. No comments, just look for yourself:
He is outraged
Mafia of Creativity. Was There a Boy?
Another loss for the site. The Mafia of Creativity is confidently considering packing their bags and relocating to... GamezDev.
In my opinion, GamezDev wants to devour the world. But has not yet figured out why it actually needs it?
At the Request of the Readers...
let there be a pegasus picture and boobs in the post
I have some under the spoiler.
Bug Freebie, Sir!
We had a freebie. And you didn’t know? Or you didn’t notice? There was a freebie, honestly! All posts created in clans due to another terrible bug were getting double experience. But the admins fixed this and no one really had time to properly use it.
And the second bug that appeared a little later: after demolishing a “pre-clan” post, 100% of the experience due went to the author, and another x% tax went to the clan. Thus, the posts’ efficiency could reach 190%! However, due to the small number of clans, no one really took advantage of it. Except, of course, Gamer Club. Though, no, it was not only them who benefited. No matter how hard Teodorix, the leader of GamezDev, tried to convince that they were white and fluffy - 90% tax during that period says a lot. And the leap from the beginning of the fourth to the end of the sixth level...
We don’t have a single honest top clan, no...
Movie, Movie, Movie!
We are outraged. We are terribly outraged and stomping our feet. How is it that there are no reviews of games on kinopoisk.ru?! How can this be?! We must urgently write a petition to Infinity Ward! (this is very trendy now)
Nonsense? Undoubtedly. No less than movie posts on this site. Well, once. Well, twice. But not a hundred gazillion times, especially on a gaming site?
And who is to blame in all of this? Correctly, NoFate, who has an exceptional weakness for such posts, produces them himself, and - most importantly - almost without looking, awards such posts with medals from others.
Although, to be fair, it should be noted that in moderation, these posts are necessary for the portal. But not in such quantities as now!
Interesting, who will be the first to come up with reviews of books?..
Mini-Contests Attack
I remember the administration promised to help us conduct contests. And they did not lie! (for variety, perhaps) And competitions began to sprout like mushrooms after rain. Here you have the New Year's rhymster, and here you have the gamer’s chest, and don’t forget to give away everything](http://www.gamer.ru/games/1793-konkursy/posts/32343), and then write a post about it.
Fortunately, I made a mistake decided that contest works would only be made into separate posts by 1001smile, so our feeds are still breathing.
Napoleon Went into Journalism
DraKo has something stuck again. This morning he burst into our editorial office, located in the remote woods of Siberia (and how did he find us?), exclaiming something incomprehensible and started banging his head against the wall, demanding immediately to give him a workspace to create masterpieces.
Well, we’re not barbarians; we allocated him a typewriter and seated him in the far corner. Strangely enough, even in such conditions, he managed to produce something worthy.
Dmit vs Sericoff
And again, scandals. As you might have guessed, after discovering the bug with "double efficiency of posts", some were not happy. In particular, dmit silenced sericoff. Maybe there were other reasons for the silencing, who knows? But the most interesting part began later.
As you might have guessed, this is dmit's personal message immediately after the silencing. The expected response.
JIHAAD!!!!
dmit quickly created a post with an approximate title "ban @sericoff, he insulted me". With about the same content, and a note that, they say, "this is already not the first time". Unfortunately, the post was operationally deleted.
Now sericoff wants to conduct courses on "How to quickly create black PR?", which will undoubtedly be successful.
And I would like to remind all other users of the existence of the buttons "report" and "ban" in Personal Messages.
Traditional Ad Block
Gamerrubest. Now recommended posts have reached Twitter.
Denai Corporation - the best glazed curds in the world!
Thus ends our special issue. Until we meet again!
