The Elder Strolls, Part 5: "Spring Break"
\[post\]The Elder Strolls, Part 1: "Just off the boat"\[/post\]
[post]The Elder Strolls, Part 2: "This elusory feeling"[/post]
[post]The Elder Strolls, Part 3: "Into the storm"[/post]
[post]The Elder Strolls, Part 4: "Nordrik the Envious"[/post]
The last week in Skyrim has been marked by pleasant routine work. I spent my time hunting, fishing, collecting alchemical ingredients, and working at the nearby sawmill. Every other day I would drop by Windhelm to brew potions and forge armor for sale. Sometimes I even stumbled upon a giant strolling near my house, and to my great joy, he didn’t even try to kill me or ask me to do anything for him. To my mind, that's the perfect NPC: he is completely indifferent to the fact of my existence. I named him Andre.
This morning, however, returning home from Windhelm, I feel that something is not quite right. Throughout the walk, I was trying to think of what to do next, but nothing came to mind. Where to go? What to do? And then, seeing my hovel, I suddenly realize why it is so hard for me to come up with my next move: perhaps, there will be no next move.
"Good morning." "Good morning."
I mean, my dream has come true, hasn’t it? Isn’t this what I was striving for? I live like an NPC. I have a few sources of income. Although blacksmithing still brings me losses, alchemy is quite profitable, and sooner or later my Speech skill will allow me to profit from my work at the smithy. I have free housing and quiet but nonetheless pleasant activities. And overall, I have achieved almost everything I wanted. Maybe this is, well… the end?
However, entering my blood-spattered hovel, I realize that something is not quite right. It’s the books. When I first came here, they were stacked on the table, but then I moved them to the bookshelf, where they belong. Next to the books is a dagger that I distinctly remember placing on the nightstand. What is going on here? Who suddenly thought to redo my painstaking renovation?
But what troubles me even more are the bloody skull and ribcage lying in the middle of the room. They belonged to the previous owner, who was eaten by a sabre cat, and a week ago I threw them in the river and personally saw them float downstream. But now they are back, right where they were. It seems I have a roommate, a dead roommate, and no matter how many times I throw his disgusting remains in the river – he will always come back. And then a more terrifying thought strikes me: if the dead victim of the sabre cat can return, maybe the sabre cat itself can do it too?
We all had roommates who lay around for days and did nothing.
With zero enthusiasm, kicking the bones into the river again, I realize the harsh truth: no matter how I try to make this dirty wreck my home, it simply will not become one. Never. It’s nothing more than a hovel rented from a dead man. No matter how modest Nordrik's requirements from life are, this will not do. I need a real home. But here’s the question: how to acquire it?
I cannot buy a real home: as far as I know, all the houses available for sale are only for sale after completing dangerous quests. The only alternative way to acquire a house is to marry an NPC who already has one and move in with him/her. Nordrik needs to find his love for the most romantic of reasons: to acquire real estate.
Of course, I can’t just approach the first woman, man, or giant of indeterminate gender and propose my hand and heart. Marriage in Skyrim consists of three stages. First, I need to go to Riften, a city in the southeast of Skyrim. Then I must visit the Temple of Mara and buy an amulet that, when worn, signals to other NPCs that you are ready to be romantically involved with the same person for life. And then… well, the "then" is very problematic for a peaceful NPC like Nordrik, so I won't think about it for now. In any case, first I need to go to Riften, and Riften isn’t exactly a stone's throw away from me. And I can’t just skirt the edge of the map like I did on the way to Windhelm: I’ll have to march boldly right through the heart of Skyrim.
So, onward to Riften! I set out at dawn and leave the cursed hovel behind, perhaps forever. Checking the map, I found that I can make most of the journey along the river. That’s good news: if I run into trouble, I can always swim to safety.
Around noon, I stumble upon a small camp with tents and sleeping bags set up on the rocks by a hot spring. I don’t see anyone nearby, which is strange because I very clearly hear someone talking to me. "Yes?" says the voice. Then: "Do you need anything?" Finally, I look down and discover that I nearly stepped on a half-naked huntress lying in the hot spring at my feet. Oh. Hello. I didn’t notice you lying here practically naked.
Nearby I spot two other half-naked hunters lying in the water. What, just like in Rome, huh? I take off my armor and step into the water next to them. However, I can't sit down next to them, and sneaking up would feel kind of… predatory. So I awkwardly stand in the water for a while. The hunters stare at me and issue standard phrases like "Hi" and "Huh?". Then they start making crude comments about my nakedness, which I think is rather hypocritical. A person living in a glass house shouldn’t walk around that house in just their underwear.
Does anyone want to play a quick game of Marco Polo?
My bare torso here definitely didn’t win me any favors, so I get dressed and move on. After a while, I stumble upon a small mining settlement at the base of the mountain I need to climb. I do a little work in the mine and gather their yield, but since there’s no one to sell it to, I just drop the bundles of wheat on the ground. I’m honest, after all. I meet an NPC named Annekka Down-from-the-Rocks, who tells me a bit about her marriage. Maybe this is a good omen. (I wonder – was her maiden name Rock, and her husband's last name Down, and so she decided to keep the double-barreled name?)
Looks like I’ll need instructions for cooking at high altitude to make anything from a hawker here.
At night, I sleep in a nameless sleeping bag, and in the morning I decide to take a good look at the mountain standing between me and Riften. A long ascent lies ahead. There is a detour, but it will take me away from the saving river, which is now a chain of waterfalls. Well, as long as I don’t run into anything big and nasty in the middle of the path, everything should go well.
I run into something big and nasty in the middle of the path. A sabre cat! We spot each other at the same time. I freeze in place; he leaps. I manage to shoot my bow exactly once, then I have to unleash my Battle Cry right into his big furry face. He flees in terror, fortunately, right behind me, so I don't have to worry about meeting him again today. Wonderful. Unless I stumble upon another sabre cat today, everything will be great.
I run into another sabre cat about two minutes later. Okay! No saving river, no magical shouts that can peacefully deter a big cat. Just my arrows and my sword separating me from the abyss. Now it’s serious. I manage to hit the beast twice before it reaches me. I quickly switch to my shield and sword, block the first strike, then raise my sword for what I hope will be a fatal blow.
Nordrik stabbed the SABRE into the SABRE CAT! Ha! What a pun!
And – who would have thought? – that blow lands right in the monster’s neck and proves fatal. Fatality! It’s dead. That was, hmm… Easy? Almost embarrassingly so. Did my blacksmithing skills really upgrade my sword and bow so much that they now have real value? Or am I just a cool guy, though I didn’t know it? In truth, I looked pretty muscular when I was standing naked in the water recently.
The next morning, having spent the night in another camp, I reached the top of the mountain and now walk again along the river. In the distance, Riften is already in sight when I suddenly see an argonian running toward me. I don’t even have time to propose to her – she suddenly leaps towards me, holding a sword in one hand and a dagger in the other. She twists, spins, she dances, slashing and stabbing, and this deadly ballet would be impossible not to admire if she weren’t slicing me into little bits of Nordrik in the process. Finally, I manage to pull out my shield and sword and start to defend myself. Yet my strikes look slow and clumsy compared to her skill, and her superiority is evident to the naked eye. However, I still have an ace up my sleeve: I use the Battle Cry that recharged since yesterday. She pauses for a moment, gripped by fear and ready to flee, and in that instant, I deliver a fatal blow.
She stabbed the SABRE into NORDRIK. Alas, that’s not a pun.
What the hell just happened? I examine her corpse and notice she's wearing assassin armor, and her name is Assassin. This wasn’t a robbery attempt; it was the Dark Brotherhood. But why would she want to kill me? And then I find a note on her body.
Poor fool? I'm offended. I'm doing just fine, thank you very much.
Someone wants me dead? And they want me that badly that they took the time to pray to a dark god and pay for my murder? Why? What did I do? And to whom did I do it?
As I pass the remaining distance to Riften, I mentally compile a list of those who might hate me enough to hire an assassin. Someone from Dawnstar, angry that I summoned a big troll on the city? The hunters from the hot springs, offended that I stripped in front of them? One of the jarls because I always sit on their thrones when nobody is looking? The blacksmith from Windhelm because whenever I wanted to use the forge or the grindstone while he was using them at the time, I stood next to him and pointed at them until he finally got the hint? Yeah, that seems likely. I can get anyone with this kind of attitude.
Well, it doesn’t matter. Though my feelings are hurt, a personal assassination contract is a pretty cool souvenir. It’s even got my name on it – Nordrik! Looks like I’m becoming famous.